If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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