Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
