the new term for farting is butt boxing.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
