insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
