Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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