I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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