I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
