I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
