it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
