shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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