I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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