If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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