In the future we'll all be gay
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
