Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
