i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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