fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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