Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize