Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize