And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
