my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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