fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
