i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
