So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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