I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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