I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
vagina is talking i cant
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
