you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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