I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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