in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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