this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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