She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize