shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
