Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
