im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
