He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize