Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
