I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
