is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
