after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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