idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In other news, I just burned my penis
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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