remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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