Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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