So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
