No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You are a genius and a whore.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
