mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
