i think i have herpe
just one?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
