don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You pole danced in your parka.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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