im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
