i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
