i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I need to stop coming to work sober
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
