nut hugger
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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