It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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