my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
