that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
