Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
