I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
