I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
