I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
