My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
