I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
