shes about as inviting as chlamydia
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
