Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
