He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
