last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
