Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
