so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
