I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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