A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
