I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
