Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think my moral compass just broke
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
