i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize