Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
