I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
