Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
