your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
