Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
